My colorful driving episodes began early in my Colorado adventures.
Start with one-part ice, one-part snow, one-part Quaaludes, topped with my infamous driving skills and you have one well done and thoroughly terrorized passenger. My off-road driving skills got plenty of attention. There was a ConocoPhillips gas station at the base of the Snowmass resort where they sold fuel at mountain resort prices. Back in the 70’s they had an exclusive bulletin board where they posted a Polaroid picture of the vehicle that they hauled out of the ditch most frequently. Me and my 4-wheel blazer held that place of honor for all of the years that I lived in the area.
What is it about mountain locals and their drinking habits? Just being in Aspen seems to inspire people to drink, a lot. The city was trying to make the roads safer by keeping these local over drinkers anywhere but behind the wheel of a car and so they bought a double decker English bus to transport them home at the end of the night. The valley “drunk run” was to deliver the locals down into the valley from Aspen to Basalt to Carbondale and beyond. It all sounded good in theory until the inaugural run exposed the flaws in the plan. All the intoxicated riders climbed up on to the upper deck and ran from one side of the bus to the other. This caused the bus to rock back and forth and then landed on 2 wheels until it eventually just fell on its side. Those locals. With the bus on its side the city said they were pulling out of the “drunk run” biz.
Enter the local taxi company, the Mellow Yellow Cab Company said they would pick up drunks and run them down into the valley. On their first attempt at taking over the task, a Mellow Yellow driver was parked in front of a local bar waiting for a fare. An intoxicated local stumbled out of the bar and waved at the cab driver. The drunk was walking behind the taxi when he slipped on some ice, fell down and became unconscious. The taxi driver didn’t see any of this and he assumed that the drunk went back into the bar. The taxi driver decided to leave so he backed up to exit. He backed over the drunk and that was the end of their attempt at the valley “drunk run”. True story. Aspen Valley got so big that they now have a city metro bus system
My first winter in Aspen I was assigned to work the night shift at the Wildwood Inn. The hotel’s airport shuttle driver was late that morning (8:00am) and the guests were becoming nervous that they would miss their flights when I volunteered to drive them. I loaded up the hotel van and headed off to the airport. It had just started snowing big, wet, slippery flakes. As I passed in front of the ConocoPhillips station the van began to slide. The passengers were screaming as we began to do loopily loops. I finally got control of the van and pulled over into a gravel parking lot to put on snow chains. I had created a 40-car pileup, but I was back on the road before the pile up had concluded. On the return trip from the airport, a good hour had passed, the highway patrol was still pulling cars apart and trying to figure out what had happened. I just drove through the chaos waving and smiling.
There are so many stories that were simple ditch extractions and just too mundane to recant to you. But, all that time in the ditch got my picture on the wall of fame (or shame) at the gas station. It’s better than being on the wall of the post office.
Because our restaurant was in the hotel we served breakfast. I was always in need of morning waiters. The only thing that would get the locals out of their bed before noon was 8” of fresh snow, certainly not a breakfast shift. I was getting ready for breakfast service when I did a head count and noticed that my server, Rand was a no show. Rand later became the cartoonist for the El Paso News. We were always staffed with highly over educated folks that were just wanting to be ski bums for a few years before they got on with their adult lives. Knowing that Rand did not have a phone and no showing was out of character for him, I drove to his apartment. During the drive it was snowing per usual big, wet flakes, but I drove on because I had a restaurant to open. As I tried to pull into Rand’s complex I blew through the rail road tie wall and barreled down into Brushy Creek. It was so steep I thought my car was going to flip from bumper to bumper. Fortunately, this did not happen. The brush on both sides of my car was so thick that it kept me headed on a bee line towards the creek at the bottom of my path. When I stopped I soon realized that I could not open either door and I had to exit out the rear window. Luckily, I had rolled down the rear window at the restaurant to get a box out. I crawled up and out the window. I was at Rand’s door in seconds knocking on his door. His roommate answered the door and said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, “what time is it?”. When I opened Rand’s bedroom door he was a combo of asleep, confused, mad and hungover. He looked at his alarm clock and threw it across the room. The clock stuck in the plaster wall (nice effect). He quickly got dressed and we left. In the parking lot, Rand not knowing of my expertise in “ditch driving” said, “who’s car should we take?” Not wanting to explain my driving skills, I said “let’s take yours”. As we drove past my ditched blazer Rand said “look, some dumb ass drove his car into the creek”. I replied “I’m the dumbass and that’s my car”. That was followed by silence. It took 2 tow trucks to pull the blazer up and out. One tow truck to pull straight up and one to pull out. I was back on the road by lunch!
This last story is the best. My friends, Cindy and TJ were doing shots at little Annie’s Bar and taking turns doing cocaine in the bathroom. Cindy was a bartender at my restaurant, the Wineskin. TJ was a house painter. When it was time for them to drive home to Snowmass they each took a Quaalude to balance things out. They were fighting about who was going to drive. The fight over the car keys escalated to a full on rolling around the streets scene. Cindy finally dominated and got the keys and the won the roll of driver! She was driving TJ’s partner’s Jeep which had 4 five-gallon buckets of white latex paint stored in the rear. All was good before they turned onto the Snowmass resort road. The Snowmass road was very curvy and Cindy dropped a tire off the road and never recovered. The Jeep rolled over and over on its way down to the creek. With Led Zeppelin blasting and the Jeep rolling, the white paint buckets all lost their lids and opened. 20 gallons of white paint in a rolling vehicle was like being in a spin art machine. The Jeep stopped and ended upside down hanging Cindy and TJ upside down as well by their seatbelts. They crawled out to hitchhike up to Snowmass covered head to toe in white latex paint. Finally, a pickup truck stopped to give them a lift but seated them in the back of the truck bed. They made it to Cindy’s apartment which was about 30 feet from the restaurant. They were too messed up to shower when they got home. They passed out completely covered in paint. Cindy had really long hair. She had passed out on the edge of the bed with her hair hanging off the end of the bed. When she woke up the next morning, her hair was standing straight up, stiff and white from the dried latex paint. She also realized that she could not move. She had broken her back. When EMS came, they told me they had now “seen it all”. Everyone healed and has thus far lived to semi old age to tell the tale.

QUICHE (MUFFIN SIZE)

This southwestern quiche can be made in a pie tin, but I prefer to make it in a muffin tin with 12 muffin slots because you can easily reheat these in the microwave and then have a perfect meal on the run.  It is hard to screw this up.

 

SERVES 8

INGREDIENTS:

8 eggs

4 oz. (1 small can) chipotles in adobo-rough chop

1 Roma tomato-1/4” dice

4 TBL. red onion-minced

2 TBL. garlic- minced

1 TBL. cumin

1 TBL. ancho powder

12- ½ oz. chunks of goat cheese

6 oz. Chorizo removed from the sausage casings

1 bunch cilantro-minced

1 TBL. sea salt

 

METHOD:

Pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. 

Grease a 12-hole muffin tin.

In a 12” skillet over medium high heat cook the chorizo & onions about 4 minutes or until the onions are soft. Add all the ingredients except the eggs, goat cheese & cilantro to the skillet and sauté for 3 minutes. 

Set this aside to cool. 

Whisk the eggs.

Add eggs and cilantro to the skillet and mix thoroughly.

Pour into the muffin tin, filling each hole about 75% full.  Then add chunks of goat cheese to each muffin. 

Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown.

Enjoy!  They will hold in the refrigerator for up to a week and are delicious when reheated in the microwave.